My daughter is in private school and contrary to the beliefs of some people here most private schools do not support or encourage the 11+. This is particularly the case if they have a private secondary school. You are seen as a cash cow into the next school. They do not want 11+ success as it’s a big loss financially to them. The majority of private schools certainly do not teach and coach them for 11+. In fact you are made to feel like an outcast if you say you are sitting the 11+. My daughter missed by 1 mark and they didn’t even trigger a headteacher appeal!

In 1964 I took the 11 plus exam. It seemed easy and I expected to pass and go to grammar school. I remember coming home from school the day my parents got the results. My father told me that I’d failed. The disappointment in his voice was unmistakable. As far as I was concerned this meant that I was stupid, and I stopped caring about school altogether.

I ended up at the local secondary modern, which was quite rough. I developed school phobia and ended up being moved to a special school for maladjusted children. That place was more of a zoo than a school, many of the kids there were more like wild animals than children. It was clear that I had been thrown away by the education authority and dumped in an educational dustbin. When I left school I had a series of low paid jobs which I hated and didn’t stay in very long.

I spent most of my so called working life on the dole because I just couldn’t tolerate the monotony and poor wages of tge only work that I was qualified to do. One day I was watching an interview with a well known British actor on tv. He told the story of how he failed the 11 plus, and found out that it wasn’t because he was stupid, but because the examiners didn’t want working class kids in their grammar schools. I realised that was probably why I didn’t pass. My father was an engineer for the post office and didn’t earn a very good wage. I was simply in the wrong social class. If it wasn’t for class prejudice my life would most likely have turned out very differently.

My daughter has had very high CAT scores for the last several years. Scores put her in the top stanine (simplified standard score) 9 her average over a 130. When she was immediately rejected from top schools we requested results. We have found that she tested into stanine 6?????

So basically right on average. How on earth is this possible. We were advised to look at top schools. She did not have a bad day. She found the tests challenging but these scores don’t compare to her consistently high CATs, we are at a loss.

My grandson did not attain the pass mark of 111 in the Slough consortium test which shocked us because he’s extremely bright and we thought well prepared for it. He’d also had 10 months of private tuition. How can we obtain his test papers to see the marks ourselves?

How you face the future if you fail the 11 Plus depends very much on the support that you have from family and the teaching staff at your junior school. In my case my family had no understanding of the massive depths of depression that I felt, my siblings both passed the the 11 plus, they were praised for passing the 11 Plus. I received no emotional support whatever, my family were incapable of understanding how I felt. All my junior school friends went to the local grammar school, as for my juniors school, all the 11 Plus failures were ignored, we were trash.

My son just received his results and did not pass. During year 5, his school told us they are “not allowed” to talk about the 11+ test, and do not prepare children for it in school. His teacher advised us to get the revision books and work through the reasoning questions. He did not have a tutor. It feels really unfair that some bright children are missing out on places at grammar schools due to some schools preparing children and others not, and some parents being able to afford tutors. We had no idea about the 11+ and how early some people put tutors in place.

I wish I had not put my son forward for the test, as it feels like was already at a disadvantage and now he feels disappointed in himself. It is an elitist process.

My son missed out by 8 points for the Kent grammar test, he’s absolutely devastated and trying to hide his disappointment by being funny. I am trying to focus on the positives, that he did well but he’ll do well whichever school he goes to.

We were so convinced he would pass, but weren’t prepared for this.

All I wanted to do is hug him but he pushed me away. Writing this just makes me cry.

Thank you for this forum.

My state educated primary school lovely 10 year old child sat the Kent Test this year alongside lifelong friends and classmates.

All tutored (because Kent has a well established unavoidable tutoring industry.)

Competing against Private-school children who have access to Atom learning in school, are taught exam technique in school, in addition to having external tutoring, while state schools are not allowed to offer any help or support to the children on the 11+ at all.

Some I am told take the test despite never having any intention of going to a state grammar – practice for the ISEB tests apparently – So their high marks skew the playing field for the State educated kids with only state school secondary options.

There is a high proportion of privately educated children more than likely taking the Kent Test this year due to VAT rises.

Some of my child’s friends just passed the test by a few marks. My child ‘failed’ the test by a few marks.

An arbitrary ‘pass’ line of who is deemed suitable for grammar school seperating years of friendships and academically very similar children.

My child is now distraught. Confidence broken. Bereft at friendships moving away. Distrusting of the education system.

How is this a way to treat 10 year old young minds who are eager to learn, love school and from one day to the next become very sad little people.

The fact is not lost on me that in 5 or 6 years time they will sit identical GCSE exams.

What is the point of separation at this age?

Luck and chance play a part in those scraping ‘passes’ – guessing correctly numerous answers while others may leave answers blank. That is exam technique – not a sign of academic ability.

This test needs to be abolished. It is not a level or fair playing field and no-one knows the rules they need to play to game the system

I’ll go back to my broken child now and pick up the pieces and build his confidence back up to re-enter this ridiculous kent education system.

I am beyond angry at this system.

Where is the compassion for our children ?

We received the results last Friday, I was heartbroken by knowing my son and I worked hard at it… now feeling sad but clearly a sign of bravery, courage and knowing that not all children at that age would do the test. Waste of time?? no, not really, we learnt a lot all the way, we are better off at knowledge and hopeful we will get into a good school. Discipline is the key, and if we are going to fail, I would rather fail now, fail fast… so that we will be prepared for our next challenges in life… :).

I have so many friends waiting for Kent Test results. I feel for them. I still remember the day I got the council email with my daughter’s test verdict. The email said, ‘not suitable for grammar school.’ My daughter took that to mean, ‘You failed. You’re not smart.’

It’s such careful language, isn’t it? People say, ‘you didn’t pass,’ but is that really kinder than using the ‘f’ word? They must hope the children who fail won’t see the truth. It’s a horrible system, and seems impossible to shift. Everyone hates the stress of it, but the reward of a grammar school place for many seems to make them forget the rest.

Today I received my child’s 11 plus exam result. It’s not ‘good’ news. I felt sad considering how hard my child had worked for it. I remembered seeing a gray hair on his head on the exam day, and I felt so guilty and heartbroken that he suffered enormous pressure beforehand and will suffer the results afterwards. I didn’t know how to tell him the outcome as he is still in school, but this forum gives me some insight. Thank you all for sharing your stories and thoughts. Appreciated.

I remember clear as day, receiving the failure slip and my best friend passing. The same beat friend no longer wanting to be my friend as she was destined for a better life. That hurt, shame and loss has never left me. I went on to the local rough comp. I studied hard, did well and went on eventually to get a first class degree. I still feel like an imposter. I can still feel that hurt like it was yesterday. I e never shaken the feeling of not being good enough.

Sadly I live in a selective borough and my son is now going through the same. I feel for him. I am determined for him to feel different if he isn’t selective. I am feeling the pain all over again. In some ways if he doesn’t pass I failed again.

Having failed the 11 plus in Buckinghamshire, my daughter went to our local nonselective school, from which she went on to Cambridge University and there achieved a First in her English degree – so much for the mantra repeated in our county’s primary schools that the 11 plus selects you for the school most suited to you! We withdrew our second and third daughters from the 11 plus, they too went to our local nonselective school and on to receive firsts from Durham and UEA respectively! Much of the hard work to achieve this they did themselves in difficult educational circumstances due to under resourcing and low aspirations at their secondary school.

I was unlucky enough to be in the final cohort of those taking the test for determining schools. I failed. I still feel the utter humiliation even at 60! All the children I knew had passed so I joined a new school with no friends and low self-esteem from which I never recovered. I was taunted by the neighbours (my father was a teacher but my parents had just divorced). My mother remained convinced that I was thick or stupid and hadn’t tried hard enough.

My sister took the exam the following year and of course passed ( even though the test had already been phased out in Leicester and she ended up at the same Comprehensive School as me). The fact that she passed the 11+ which I had failed was insurmountable and gave my narcissistic mother the ammunition she needed to differentiate us! My sister was the Golden Child whilst I was earmarked as low achieving, dim, no hoper and worst of all ….I simply hadn’t tried hard enough in her eyes !!

Ironically I have outperformed my sister on many fronts and did manage to get a degree, masters and professional qualifications and had a high flying career. But even now stigma remains from that terrible test! My sister is still lauded by the family for her intelligence whereas I was thick but just got lucky!!!

If you have siblings and you all pass the 11 Plus great for all concerned. If you and your siblings all fail the 11 Plus sad but manageable, how ever if a sibling passes the 11 Plus and the other does not you and your siblings no longer have shared experiences. An emotional fault line develops parents and successful siblings have no idea of the massive long term emotional and psychological damage done to the developing child, in my case life long severe clinical depression and at times when at school contemplating suicide.

I am an immigrant and a Pharmacist. When I decided to I enter my daughter for 11 plus, not knowing exactly what it entailed, I bought books to try and help her thinking as I was academic it was going to be easy. I soon realised that non-verbal reasoning was something I couldn’;t do.

I came to the Uk as a late teen, did my A levels and got an ABB in maths, chemistry and biology and even after a 2:1 in Master of Pharmacy I can’t pass a non-verbal reasoning paper. Had I been raised in this country and sat for the 11 plus, I would have failed and gone through all my life thinking I wasn’t clever enough.

I put my daughter through it and she failed and I blame myself to this day! If I had known better, I wouldn’t have let her sit for this test.

I took my test in 1998, the only support my Mother offered was making me sit at the dinner table writing lines “I want to go to grammar school like my cousins” she wanted me to go to the best grammar school in the area, just so that she could brag about it. The school is notoriously hard to get into.

I knew nothing about the school, nothing about what the 11+ would be like, and most of all, I had no support, just pressure. The pressure I felt from my school teacher “fail to prepare, prepare to fail” and from my abusive Mother was horrendous. The summer prior to this I had been given revision work to complete over the summer and I hid it, because I knew what my Mother was like. I knew I would inevitably end up being beaten because I had answered things incorrectly etc.

I failed my test by a few marks and ended up going into a grammar stream at the closest secondary to our house instead. After that though, I felt like a write-off. Not just to my Mother, but to the relatives who were also pushing me and to the school too. The few kids that passed were treated like Olympians at my junior school and had special privileges etc.

My child has this year not met the required mark to class as ‘Suitable for Grammar’ on his 11+, he had tuition, support and empathy from us the entire time, and do you know what? I couldn’t give a damn that he didn’t pass. He is a bright, funny, inquisitive, kind and confident boy and he will be amazing wherever he goes. I will not allow an exam to take that away from my child. I cannot deal with the snobbish remarks we are receiving from those who attended Gramma themselves or those whose children did, all I hear is appeal, appeal, appeal, absolutely no regard for my child’s mental health and well-being if he DID by some miracle get in on appeal. I will not allow my child to feel like he isn’t good enough, you can do amazing things in life, no matter what school you go to.

My daughter failed the 11+ by 5 points in Maths. She had high scores for verbal and non-verbal. I remember buying her a card to and flowers to say well done still. I left her room and when I came back the card had been shredded and the flowers destroyed. She was angry at herself for failing and I blame myself to this day for putting her through it. She is doing well at the local comprehensive but 11+ is still on her mind.

I took the 11+ in 1972 and didn’t pass. I am 63 now and can still remember my mother shouting up the stairs to me telling me that I was ‘no good’. Can you imagine what that does to an 11 year old. I was sent to a comprehensive school miles away from home because the local secondary modern wasn’t very good. The education at my secondary school was good. If you were clever you could excel. We had quite a few go to University from there. My mother always treated me as though I was rather thick after not passing my 11+. I just thank goodness my children didn’t gave to sit this awful exam. Good education should be for all not just those that go to grammar school.

I took the ll plus in 1963 and like many others I had no preparation – it was essentially arriving at school at being told the test would be taking place – I failed as did every other pupil in my class. As a consequence all careers of any substance and my dreams of being a Doctor were barred to me and I spent many years doing dead end jobs which I didn’t stay in very long because I hated them. I decided to take an OU degree which I did successfully but I found this was always seem to be regarded by employers as something educational failures took and it didn’t help me at all. I then took evening class at London University in software programming and eventually got me foot in door with an IT company and eventually became self employed. But it is something I think of often when I see the opportunities young people have today and the resentment I feel towards the government that made that decision about my life is with me to this day.